I have a feeling that if I am able at Clarion to turn in a story per week--by successfully focusing on shorter works--that's going to be the big criticism.

Q: This is clever, but why didn't I explore this issue in more depth?
A: Because in order to do so it would have taken me eight weeks and 12,000 words.

That's if I'm successful. If not...

Q: This isn't even clever.
A: Shit.
Q: But I found a few words that were spelled right.
A: Yay!

I have a few outlines now of stories I think I can do in 2,000 words or fewer. Which probably means 5,000+ words each once I get done with them. So we'll keep an eye on that train wreck.

But what's the alternative? If it takes me, say, five weeks, including simmering time, to make my average fiction the best it can be regardless of length, wouldn't it benefit me more to workshop it after week 5 instead of week 1, where I haven't taken it as far as it can go and I'm clearly not ready for an audience? And if I workshop it early, how is that fair to the other students? Isn't that like asking Neil Gaiman what "slush" means on his blog when I can just as easily Google it myself?

I'm probably overthinking this. I'm betting we address all this the first week and my anxiety is entirely unfounded. But, hey, we've all got issues.

So I'm basically just giving myself permission to not write six stories if I can't finish them on time. And that'll be okay, because just critiquing other people's work should be worth the time and expense of Clarion. Just working on stories for six weeks straight, with only turning in one or two stories total should still be worth the time and expense of Clarion. Just the networking and listening to the instructors should be worth it.

Of course I plan on working hard and making the most of my time there in all areas. But I find I do need to remind myself that I should still come out of Clarion a better writer even if I don't live up to my own, often-unreasonable expectations for myself.

Point the Third: A Clarion Podcast

I'd hoped to do a podcast from Clarion, but it doesn't look like it will work out. I plan instead to do two podcast episodes, one before I leave, and one a month or so after I return. Clarion starts on Sunday, which should give you an idea about the window of time when the first episode will show up. This will NOT be a simple reading out loud of my Clarion blog.

Point the Fourth: Submissions Up

I think there are two big reasons why it seems I've stepped up my submission-progress in the last few months before Clarion.

First: I would have thought my Asimov's sale within a few weeks of the Clarion acceptance would have given me some comfort and confidence, but instead it almst feels like I have more to prove; that I'm not some fraud who got a sale he didn't deserve. Nobody's said or insinuated anything of the sort, and I certainly don't have these feelings about any of my fellow Clarionites who are further along in their careers. Perhaps this is a writer's lot; our value comes not with what we've written or published, but with what we've yet to write or publish. Or more likely it's as I said: I just have issues.

Second: The best way I've found to deal with my many, many rejections is to work on something else after submission, so by the time the rejection arrives, that story is no longer my most recent (and often consequently my best) work. I don't remember who said, "Nothing's more dangerous than an idea, when it's the only one we have," but the same goes for stories and hopes, I think. I need to spread my hopes around, so if one of them gets crushed, I can still get out of bed the next day. So what better time to let the rejections rain down than while I'm working my butt off in Michigan?

Point the Last: To Clarion and Beyond!

Had a bit of good luck this weekend. After author Jim C Hines was added to the Clarion instructor roster and I couldn't find a copy of his book locally, I ordered it from Amazon, resigned to pay extra for 2-day shipping. But instead they offered me a free three month trial to "Amazon Prime" which lets me get 2-day shipping for free on just about anything (ordinarily at a membership fee of $50+ per year). I usually don't like offers like these, and I don't think I've ever accepted one before. But this one came at just the right time to save me some immediate cash, and every little bit helps.

I signed the contract for "Outgoing" in Asimov's, and found out my comic with Mario Boon "Persistent City" will be able to appear in both the literary magazine The Florida Review and the comics anthology Hope: New Orleans, but not in the Hope: New Orleans "preview"/special edition at Wizard World Chicago in August. Long story.

I still have a lot of stuff to do this week, mostly organization and cleaning. Better get to it.

Filed under Clarion, Journal
Comments: Discuss this entry at LiveJournal

Posted by: steve at June 21, 2006 12:07 AM

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Posted by: Mur at June 22, 2006 3:01 PM