by Mark Twain
29 minutes, 45 seconds
Unabridged Humorous Speeches
1899-1908
Five speeches by the master at making them interesting and witty.
Theoretical Morals (1899)
“A man can’t become morally perfect by stealing one or a thousand green watermelons, but every little bit helps.”
The Alphabet and Simplified Spelling (1907)
“Simplified spelling is all right, but, like chastity, you can take it too far.”
Education and Citizenship (1908)
“Now I want to tell a story about jumping to conclusions. It was told to me by Bram Stoker and it concerns a christening.”
Layman’s Sermon (1906)
“Now I am not modest. I was born modest, but it didn’t last.”
University Settlement Society (1901)
“Marvelous it is, to think of schools where you don’t have to drive the children in, but drive them out! It was not so in my day.”
Note: The podcast includes only “Theoretical Morals.” All five speeches are included in the downloadable bundles.
Read by Alex Wilson.

Originally for sale on January 18, 2005, and released free with a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial License five years later. See the Mission page for why.
Read more, listen to a sample, etc…
Share/Bookmark this thing: